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I have no use for reading the truth

from mostly novemdiales by Carpeaux

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I have no use for reading the truth
I do not comprehend it
it was no use memorizing the truth
it was not in the phrase
it escaped my conscience

it was no use writing down the truth
the words were not mine
and the truth, for me it was nothing
and thus I was lost
but not anymore

I must find out what the truth says about me
before I know what I can say about the truth

trapped in uncertainty
not being able to find
the logic beneath the mistakes and lies
the first signs of knowledge not yet formed
show no sign of a larger conscience I could attain
having only hypotheses
maybe wrong maybe insane
there really is no logic I can devise
in the battleground of human experience
and the unforgiving human condition

certainty is a trap
and all I have is this blind machine
these trembling hands and these tired eyes
to search for an indication that
somewhere lost in this chaos of perception,
lies and lost time
exists the sublime

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from mostly novemdiales, track released June 29, 2011

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